Three Little Pigs – A Politically Correct Fairy Tale

Once there were three little pigs who lived together in perfect harmony with each other, as all siblings should. They had great respect for all of the other animals in the kingdom, celebrating the differences in physiognomy and physiology which made each animal distinct.

They also lived in perfect harmony with their environment. And when they decided to each construct their own homes, they vowed to only use materials that were indigenous to the area to conserve precious resources. In point-of-fact, they each built a beautiful house, each house a personification of their individual values and personalities.
One pig decided to build a house of straw. With his two brothers, he traveled to all of the fields in the region and gathered that which the reapers had missed in order to leave the land ready for the next crop.

When the first structure was completed, and properly inspected and approved by the woodland authorities, the second one wanted a house constructed of sticks. Our three heros gathered only that woodfall not suitable for crafts, leaving the woods they gleaned safe for travel and replanting.

The second house completed, the three constructed the third house of dung, clay and creeper vines shaped into bricks and baked in a small smokeless kiln.

When they were finished, the pigs were satisfied with their work and settled back to live in peace and self-determination. But their idyllic life-styles were soon shattered. One day, along came a big, bad wolf with expansionist ideas.

He saw the pigs and grew very hungry in both a physical and ideological sense. When the pigs saw the wolf, they ran into the house of straw. The wolf ran up to the house and banged on the door, shouting, “Little pigs, little pigs, let me in !”

The pigs shouted back, “Your terrorist tactics impinge no fear for pigs who are defending their homes and culture.”

But the wolf wasn’t to be denied what he thought was his manifest destiny. So he huffed and puffed and blew down the house of straw. The frightened pigs ran to the house of sticks, with the wolf in hot pursuit.

Where the straw house had stood, other wolves seized the land and planned a chicken farm, where they would cruelly force the birds to live in over-crowded coops and increase profits by ignoring any problems caused by manure polluting the near-by streams.

Meanwhile, at the house of sticks, the wolf again banged on the door and shouted, “Little, pigs, little pigs, let me in !”

The pigs shouted back, “Go away, you carnivorous, imperialistic oppressor !”

At this the wolf huffed and puffed and blew down the house of sticks. The pigs ran to the house of bricks, with the wolf close at their heels.

Where the house of sticks had stood, other wolves made plans a time-share condo resort complex for vacationing wolves, each unit would be a fiberglass replica of the original house of sticks. They planned massive water canals and dams, long known to both wreck and flood the surrounding fragile landscape.

Meanwhile, at the house of bricks, the wolf again banged on the door and shouted, “Little pigs, little pigs, let me in !”

This time in response, the pigs sang songs of solidarity and wrote strong letters of protest to the Editor of the Woodland Journal.

By now the wolf was getting angry at the pigs’ refusal to see the situation from the carnivore’s point of view. So he huffed and puffed, and huffed and puffed, then grabbed his chest and fell over dead from a massive heart attack brought on from eating too many fatty foods.

The three little pigs rejoiced that justice had triumphed and did a little dance around the house that had saved them. Their next step was to liberate their homeland. They gathered together a band of other animals who had been forced off their lands.

The brigade of brave lil’ pigs attacked the wolves’ Total Quality Management Planning Complex with machine-guns and rocket launchers and slaughtered the cruel wolf oppressors, sending a clear signal to the rest of the hemisphere not to meddle in their internal affairs.

Then the pigs set up a model socialist democracy with free education, universal health care and affordable housing for everyone.

Pass it now, or we may never recover!

The Drudge Report (link) has the following headline on the main page: “The Fear: Pass It Now, or We May Never Recover” and links to this article from Yahoo! News.

GLENN: I am amazed at the comment today from Barack Obama that if we don’t pass this stimulus bill right now, the recession may prove to be irreversible, that America may never recover from our inaction right now. That is — wow, that’s incredible. He said this recession may linger for years, our economy will lose five million more jobs. You know what this is? This is really a hedge because he can say, “Well, I didn’t get my stimulus bill, I didn’t get everything in my stimulus bill that I wanted,” as this thing lingers for years, if it doesn’t get much, much worse. He said unemployment will approach double digits. Yes. Our nation will sink deeper into a crisis that at some point we may not be able to reverse. He’s calling this the action Americans need. He says that energy independence is one of the reasons that we have to pass the stimulus bill quickly. Energy independence. Less than 24 hours after his new interior secretary cancelled the oil and gas leases on 77 parcels of federal land, more than 130,000 acres in Utah alone. In a completely unrelated story, Cuban officials say that exploratory drilling to access potential for oil reserves in the Gulf of Mexico is likely to resume in the second quarter of this year, a sign that lower world prices for oil have not derailed efforts by the Cuban government and its foreign corporate partners to keep moving towards offshore oil production. Cuba’s state oil company has estimated that there are 20 billion barrels of recoverable offshore oil in Cuban waters. The U.S. geological survey has issued a more conservative estimate, under 5 billion barrels just offshore of Cuba. But remember we don’t want anything to do with carbon. The idea that this president, from the party that says Bush is using fear, that he’s trying to get everybody to do something through fear, well, I don’t know if you remember seeing this on TV. They don’t show it very often anymore. In fact, they don’t show it at all. Do you remember the World Trade Centers falling? Do you remember the field in Pennsylvania? Do you remember the Pentagon? I seem to recall actual people trying to kill us and that was using fear to get things done. But saying that our economy may never recover if he doesn’t get this stimulus package, let me just put this into perspective. We’re never going to recover if we don’t get the $50 million for the National Endowment For the Arts, we may never recover if we don’t get $380 million in the Senate bill for the Women, Infants and Children’s program, we may never recover if we don’t get $300 million for grants to combat violence against women, we may never recover if we don’t have $6 billion for university building projects, we may never recover if we don’t have $1.2 billion to provide youth summer jobs, and this bill defines “Youth” to people up to the age of 24. You’ll be paying for those. We will never recover if we don’t have $2.4 billion for neighborhood stabilization activities. We may never recover if we don’t have $650 million for digital TV coupons. We may never recover if we don’t get $150 million for the Smithsonian. We may never recover if we don’t have $34 million to renovate the Department of Commerce headquarters. We may never recover if we don’t have $500 million for the improvement projects for the national institute of health facilities. We may never recover if we don’t have $44 million for repairs to the Department of Agriculture headquarters or $350 million for agriculture department computers. We may never recover if we don’t have $88 million to help move the Public Health Service into a new building, not for a new building. To help them move to a new building. We may never survive if we don’t have that $88 million for a moving truck! We may never survive if we don’t have the money to convert federal auto fleets to hybrids. This country may never recover if we don’t have a billion dollars for the census bureau. We may never recover if we don’t have $89 billion for Medicaid or $30 billion for COBRA extensions or $36 billion for expanded unemployment or $20 billion for more food stamps. We may never recover if we don’t have $850 million for Amtrak, a train that hasn’t turned a profit in 50 years. America as we know it may never recover if we don’t have $87 million for a polar ice breaking ship, never recover. Let’s not look too deeply into why we would need a polar ice breaking ship if the poles are melting and won’t have any ice! We may never recover if we don’t have $1.7 million for the national park system or $55 million for the historic preservation fund. We may not survive if we don’t have $7.6 million for the rural advancement program or $150 million for the agriculture commodity purposes or $150 million for producers of livestock, farm-raised fish and honeybees. We may never survive. We may never recover unless we have $160 million for paid volunteers at the Corporation for National and Community Service for the community volunteers, the National — wait a minute. Why are we paying the volunteers?

Look, we may never survive if we don’t get serious about renewable energy. Our planet has a temperature. It’s very sick. We have to do everything we can. For instance, would be ridiculous for, you know, me, the president, to take Air Force one out on its maiden flight, to take a 747 jumbo jet from Washington D.C. for an out-and-back excursion to the House Democratic caucus retreat at the Kings Mill Resort and Spa in Williamsburg, Virginia, where the 747 is parked in Virginia. It would be crazy to take a 157-mile trip in a 747 jumbo jet when you’ve got teleconferencing there in the White House, because the Earth has a temperature and that’s why America may not ever recover if we don’t act now and pass $2 billion for renewable energy research or $2 billion for clean coal power plants in Illinois or $6.2 billion for a weatherization assistance program which basically is weatherstrips for underneath your door! We may never survive if we don’t have $3.5 billion for energy efficiency and conservation block grants or $3.4 billion for the state energy program or $200 million for state and local electric transport projects or $300 million for the energy-efficient appliance rebate program or $400 million for hybrid cars for state and local governments or $1 billion for the manufacturing of advanced batteries or $1.5 billion for green technology, loan guarantees or $8 billion for innovative loan guarantee program or $2.4 billion for carbon capture demonstration projects or $4.5 billion for the electricity grid or $79 billion for the state fiscal stabilization fund. We may never recover if we don’t do these things right now. Don’t think. Do it now! Or we may never recover. Is anyone insulted?

There is one thing that I thought funny in this: “We may never recover unless we have $160 million for paid volunteers at the Corporation for National and Community Service for the community volunteers, the National — wait a minute. Why are we paying the volunteers?”

Well, there it is, FWIW… FWIW.

Socialist America and Capitalist Russia?

I was surprised today when I read an article in the Financial Times, titled “Moscow abandons bail-outs for bank aid.” Why, do you ask? I’m surprised because this was the last thing I would have expected from a country known for its socialist tendencies. (Union of Soviet Socialist Republics, anyone?)

While the country renown for its capitalism and consumerism, as well as Hollywood, etc, is leaning towards socialism as an answer, the country that defined socialism is pretty much saying, “Ah, we’ve tried that, it doesn’t work. Let’s batten down the hatches, let the milk get spilled and clean up the mess afterwards.”

WHAT?

link

Hey Hey Hey/Good-Bye?

Taken from the NY Times, in the timeline of the inauguration of Barack Obama:

The Bushes Depart | 12:56 p.m. The helicopter steps are folded up. The blade begins to rotate. The Obamas and Bidens are standing still, holding each other’s hands, as they watch the helicopter rev up. We now have lift-off; the Bushes have left the Capitol at 12:55 — almost half an hour ahead of time. The Obamas wave.

The helicopter is swinging out over the Mall first instead of heading directly to Andrews. Surely the Bushes can’t hear the crowd below, but the chant is one that sports fans jeer to the opposing team: “Na Na Na Na/Na Na Na Na/Hey Hey Hey/Good-bye.”

link

How disrespectful is this? Are there really this many people that are so disrespectful of President Bush (and don’t call him former President – tradition holds that even when a President leaves office, you still call him Mr. President, not Mr. Former President)?

I do wish that the sheeple of the United Socialist States of America would wake up to the fact that President Bush had to face some of the most difficult decisions imaginable. Hind sight is always 20/20 and yeah, maybe he shouldn’t have made some of the decisions he did. But, he made the decisions, and not only that, he didn’t flip flop after he made his decisions – he stuck by them. He didn’t give in to the pressure to withdraw the troops from Iraq, knowing that even if going in was a mistake, and shouldn’t have been done, we had to keep going until it was finished, because leaving on that scale half-completed would be worse than not having done it at all.

This goes back to my opinion on showing respect for the people that hold the office of POTUS. I don’t care if you agree, disagree, love or even hate the man in the office – but you will likely never know the weight of decisions that bear on the man, and the information they may or may not have to make the decision with.

We should be thankful that we had a man in office these last eight years. Not a pansy, but a man.

The President of the United States of America – Barack Hussein Obama

All kidding aside, I must echo the words of Glenn Beck, and state that I do hope that Obama is successful in his duties as POTUS. No, I do not want the items on his agenda to succeed, but he must succeed as President.

Bush commutes sentences of former US border agents

“In his final acts of clemency, President George W. Bush on Monday commuted the prison sentences of two former U.S. Border Patrol agents whose convictions for shooting a Mexican drug dealer ignited fierce debate about illegal immigration.”

Meghan McCain and Sarah Palin

First Post of 2009!

Ok, so I decided that we should probably usher in the new year with a positive note. We will soon have a new Commander-in-Chief (10 more days until “hope” and “change” arrive!) who already has funds earmarked for government bailouts and political earmarks and socialistic agendas and… Need I go on?

In that light, a friend of mine tipped me off to the following cartoon:

Ain’t that the truth?

Ok, ok, I started this post out stating that we should usher in the new year on a positive note…. The only positive that I can think of at the moment is this: only 1,470 days until Obama is out of office! However, that is balanced with this negative: how much more will our nation be in debt?

Just to point out an interesting statistic… The global debt around the world, right now, is so great, that it would be absolutely impossible to pay off, given the capital that we have at our disposal.

Yes, I am just throwing that fact out there, without backing up with sources or links. This is atypical of me, but you’ll just have to take it for what it’s worth…